Why Don't People Listen
68Lets Think Outside The Box
Why don't people listen?
I have spent most of my life listening to everyone while they talk and discuss things with me. Trying to understand how they feel about different situations that effect their lives. I even go to the point of placing myself in their shoes so I may experience what they are are going through.
I have always felt that when I do this, I learn what to do or not to do whenever I run into the same situation I learned from that particular person.
This process of learning from other people's mistakes and/or experiences has done me well throughout my life and situations I have come across.
I owe a great deal to a lot of people that have nurtured and actually became my mentors throughout my life and my life's experiences.
I have exercised a lot of patience in many diversified situations and have actually learned how to avoid placing myself in particular situations that get you in trouble. Many discusions I have been placed in that have escalated into arguments and gotten out of control are the ones I just sit back, and listen to, and don't comment at all.
Watching people getting themselves into these situations and then spend a lot of time trying to talk there way out of, is how I have learned so much.
If people would just take the time, exercise a little patience and just listen, they would be a lot better off in their life and and they would get along with a lot more people.
Listening is a great attribute everyone should practice a lot more of.
Patience is a quality that is learned we are not born with this instinct.
What really burns me is when someone says something in a conversation and doesn't take the time and listen to what the other person has to say. Talk about a one sided conversation.
I just call them one-way.
I had just watched a program on brains and how they are deficient in the thinking process. We are all guilty of not thinking sometimes. Most can use this excuse but some of us are just totally ignorant of our immediate surroundings and just don't care what other people think or say.
These are the types of people we should try to avoid to have a two-way conversation cause they just don't care, don't want to hear anything because the wall has been built along time ago. Wea are all a little guilty of thinking about ourselves and nothing else. Selfishness.
This is what I call "Not thinking outside the box"
If we all could just open our minds and shut our mouths the world would be a much better place.
I apologize if I have offended anyone.
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Great hub! We as human beings have brains to analyze and to assess situations; however, only a minute percentage of the population actually make intelligent decisions. Sadly, most people meander throughout life, thinking with dinosaur brains and they wonder why they are stuck in the mud as to speak.
I tend to talk at people who refuse to recognise any validity in the counter view. If they are aggressive, I will be counter aggressive, but I will halt the argument at the point of futility. If someone takes a reasonable tone, I will do likewise. The more perceptive and considerate the opponent, the more I will warm to their point of view.
Summarising
I like the considerate and perceptive person, therefore I will listen.
I don’t like the aggressive one sided person, therefore I will not listen.
Having said that, some topics of conversation are understandably highly charged with emotion. In this instance I will make allowances and show some understanding without necessarily assuming a curtain type of mentality. If someone admits publicly that they were wrong, then such a person is worth getting to know, and nine times out of ten I am quick to admit the strengths of their arguments and how many times I have been wrong.
Whether right or wrong, I will give what I get somewhat like a mirror.
We will only take advice from someone we either like, or respect.
Jac 13 months ago
Turn taking in conversation is a very real and important element of communication. It is an unwritten rule that some people learn and some don't. I could ponder the many reasons why some people learn this basic social language skill but I won't. The upshot is, people who lack this skill are often unaware they lack it.
I've also observed people who fail to use turn taking skills can be self absorbed (me me I I me me I) and they just want to down load or have difficulty seeing things from another person's perspective (what doesn't everyone think?feel this way???) Some people seem to have trouble acknowledging other people's experience and knowledge (I'm right so why should I bother listening). Some people mean well but just don't seem to be aware that they are doing all of the talking. Some people who hog the conversation can turn out to halve low self esteem or have poor language skills so they unconsciously dominate the conversation in order to feel safe (if I just keep talking about something I know about people won't realise how dumb/boring I am).
Being shy as a child I felt more comfortable in a listening role. As an adult, who is more confident, I still like to listen but I find taking the listening role frustrating at times. I've learned that the times when I feel frustrated are the times I find myself listening to someone who isn't aware a conversation is a turn taking activity. Outward signs - person is going on and on and on (one way, no turns). Sometimes the person will listen impatiently for you to quickly finish your speaking turn so they can continue talking about something they are interested in. Sometimes the person doesn't even bother pretending to listen and just talks right over the top of you.
Some times it's ok to do most the the talking, for instance if you are going through a tough time and really need to get things off your chest. Most times it's just not appropriate.
If you suspect you are a person who doesn't take turns when speaking be brave. Ask someone you trust to be honest but non judgmental if they they think you could develop your listening skills more. Set yourself a challenge. Each social conversation(work communication can be a little different) you have for each comment your communication partner makes try to make at least one relevant comment back. In a ten minute conversation try to ask at least one question about the other person, preferably about something they have commented on.
For those people who fall into the 'self absorbed' and 'always right' categories no matter how boring or insignificant you think the person is you are talking at I'll guarantee they are thinking exactly the same thing of you. Take a genuine interest you will get so much more from a conversation. People will stop avoiding you at parties.
For those people who talk their way into safety zones, take a risk, stop talking. People who ask questions and listen learn more and are often pleasant conversational partners. You never know, you might find common ground in an unexpected conversational tangent.
You can learn a lot about life if you take the time to really listen. Taking your turn as a listener builds real understanding of other people and fosters meaningful relationships. You simple don't get to know people if you are the one doing all the talking.